Hello, friends. As some of you may be aware, tomorrow is my birthday.

Birthdays always felt weird to me, as they are a celebration of something I have no control over, so 5 years ago, I started doing something to celebrate my birthday that really changed my life: I started using this day every year to raise money for a charity that is very near and dear to my heart:

Next Door is a non profit organization that seeks to end domestic violence. Domestic violence has a tendency to remain hidden, and so we often underestimate the scope of the problem. Here are some important facts:

7 million U.S. women are victims of domestic violence EVERY YEAR.
3 women in the U.S. are murdered EVERY DAY by a current or former partner.
1 in 7 men will experience severe domestic violence in their lifetime.
10 MILLION CHILDREN are exposed to domestic violence every year.

1 out of 4 women in America will experience some form of Domestic Violence in their lives.

1 out of 4. Let that sink in.

1 out of 4 of the people you love most. Friends, Doctors, Lawyers, Mothers, Sisters, Daughters, Aunts, Grandmothers, and everything else.

If that doesn’t break your heart I don’t know what will. No one deserves to be victimized. No one deserves to be hurt. 1 out of 4. 1 out of 4. This has to change, and organizations like Next Door need our help.

But this year I'm going to try something a little different. As many of you also know, I have a book coming out in about a month and I obviously want you to buy it. I have been proud to participate in so many fundraisers this year, and all of you have been so kind to open your wallets and join me in helping the victims of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma with the Red Cross and victims of Hurricane Maria with Oxfam.

So, now I want you to do something for yourself, and I'm going to make up the difference.

How?

Well, here's what I'm going to do:

If you order my book today or tomorrow and send me a receipt, I will donate your full purchase price to Next Door Solutions.

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE.

I have found two unbelievably generous people who have chosen to join me in this fundraiser. SO, when you buy my book, they will ALSO match your full purchase price. Both of them.

What does this mean? Well, whatever you spend on "You're Not That Great" will be TRIPLED and sent to Next Door Solutions.

If you spend $12, I will donate $36 on your behalf.

If you spend $20, I will donate $60 on your behalf

If you choose to buy 5 copies for $60, I will donate $180 on your behalf.

We will EACH match up to $10,000, which means at the end of the weekend, we want to send $30,000 directly to Next Door.

So, if you've been waiting to buy my book, today is a great day to do it.

YOU CAN BUY IT ON AMAZON

YOU CAN BUY IT AT BARNES AND NOBLE

YOU CAN BUY IT AT INDIEBOUND

YOU CAN BUY IT AT POWELLS

YOU CAN BUY IT AT BOOKS-A-MILLION

BUY IT! SEND ME A RECEIPT!

Either DM me on Twitter or Instagram or email is to ELAN@FASTMAIL.COM and I will TRIPLE YOUR PURCHASE AND DONATE IT TO THIS AMAZING CHARITY!

But what if you don't want to buy my book? Well, that's okay too. You can donate to NEXT DOOR directly and send me a receipt and I will triple-match your donation.

THANK YOU ALL! I LOVE YOU ALL! I APPRECIATE YOU ALL. AND IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY OR GIVE, PLEASE KNOW I STILL APPRECIATE YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT AND HEART.

xoxo

elan

Every once in a while, when I am feeling down, I like to take a second to remember that I have greatly overestimated my specialness.

At first, this may sound counter-intuitive. But, if you’re down or blue as a result of your circumstances, it is quite helpful to remember that, relatively speaking, your circumstances are probably pretty good, and that is rarely because of anything you’ve done.

Now, obviously, this doesn’t apply to everyone. In fact, it probably doesn’t apply to most people. But it does tend to apply to the types of people who overestimate both their specialness and their own participation in the creation of that specialness.

I like to remind myself that the simple act of indulging excessively in introspection is an act of privilege. Having time to consider feelings and to make desired emotions a primary part of my daily life are almost definitely signs that I am living with more freedom than I have earned.

What gives me the right to enjoy myself on a regular basis? What gives me the audacity to think I should be smiling all the time? What gives me the idea that I am somehow deserving of pleasure?

These questions help me more than anything, because I am incapable of supplying an acceptable answer to them. And that is my solution. For some reason, I allow myself to be subconsciously lulled into believing these concepts that I am somehow special and therefore especially deserving of joy or of calmness. Because I can only experience the world through my eyes and because, even with empathy, I can truly never feel the plight of another, all the good and all the bad that happen to me seem larger and more visceral and more “real” than anything I can imagine happening to any other human being. I can try to fully understand the experience of another, but I will fail every time. I am one, and all others are “others.” And since I cannot enter the soul of an “other” in order to see my true place as an “other” myself, I will always feel distinct and somehow unique.

This is not the case. I have simply overestimated my importance because of my closeness to the subject that is my life. All the details matter and all the feelings are impactful. Everything is here and now and loud and mine and constant and urgent.

But this applies to everyone. I am not special or important. At least not more than anyone else.

And as I think about these things, a wave of calm comes over me, as I remember, again, that I am not special. And suddenly the things about my life that I don’t like matter less because they are no longer an imposition on the perfect life I imagine I deserve, but are instead just part of the random life that I am given.